Algorithms

By:  Greg
January 16, 2014 12:28 pm | Category: Quick Update, Skiing

It’s a word you’ve probably heard, and dismissed as being too many syllables to understand: “algorithm.” There’s no reason to fear however; you know what an algorithm is. I promise. I’ll just have to show you that you know before you know you know (trust me, I know).

Let’s start with an easy example I know you know you know: The Pow Algorithm.

(Note: in all that follows, the object MBBI is defined as follows.)


function Pow_Algorithm(var_arg_in)

1 IF snow_total_nearby() >= 10
2     find(location(snow_total_nearby()))
3     drive(location(snow_total_nearby()))
4     WHILE group_morale() >= cranky_pants
5         ascend(location(snow_total_nearby()))
6         descend(location(snow_total_nearby()))
7             WHILE pow_in_face()=1
8                 hoot()
9                 hollar()
10                giggle_like_little_kids()
11            END
12        IF num_MBBI() > 0
13            pop_MBBI() 
14        END
15    END
16 END

END

As you can see, this algorithm–or program if you will–tells one what to do when powder snow arrives nearby in quantities greater than 10 inches. Of course this is only pseudo-code, and a computer would be hard pressed to run this algorithm (mostly because computers don’t like skiing; in fact they don’t like anything; they have no consciousness [more on that at a later date]).

Another example is the code that your GPS-device writes for you to follow to get you lost when you want to get somewhere. It’s sad really. I’m crying right now thinking about the irony of this algorithm.

But not all algorithms involve tears. Here’s one that we wrote recently, and so I’d be surprised if you are familiar with it. It implements Pow_Algorithm() as a subroutine, so it’s a good third example for beginners. We developed this algorithm last week when Lake Ontario decided to unload its contents on surrounding environs. Here’s the code:

function Ontario_Pow_Hunt(var_arg_in)

1 let_Hutz_drive_angrily_as_friends_fart_in_newly_cleaned_upholstery()

1


2 drive_toward_pow_with_ThePeter_making_wierd_faces_at_the_smell_of_said_farts()

2


3 Pow_Algorithm(Day_1, 12_inches, lots_of_energy, only_group_skiing, lots_of_MBBI)

3

3

3

3

3

3

Continue Reading: 1 2 3 4 Next »

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13 Comments

  1. brian
    wrote on January 16th, 2014 at 1:22 pm  
    1

    JPG has two ‘g’s in the link to MBBI. otherwise sweet post!

    Respond to this comment/comment thread
    • Greg
      wrote on January 16th, 2014 at 1:24 pm  
      2

      thanks! fixed. always glad when folks lend a hand debugging!

  2. Jake
    wrote on January 16th, 2014 at 10:21 pm  
    3

    God I love this.

    I will take the acid before my 2nd read of this TR

    Respond to this comment/comment thread
  3. Skimohr
    wrote on January 17th, 2014 at 12:09 am  
    4

    Looks like fun skiing. Some great shots/images here! Stoked to see it snowing again around here, too. Stoked no matter what happens…

    Respond to this comment/comment thread
  4. Sign Guy
    wrote on January 17th, 2014 at 9:54 am  
    5

    F@#Ck*&G Awesome! I needed that post after the last couple of weeks of Firm. Nice creative take on the photos Brothers(and Sisters) of the Blower. Cold Brook?

    Respond to this comment/comment thread
  5. Jon Williams
    wrote on January 17th, 2014 at 6:43 pm  
    6

    Where, when, how, why?????

    Nice abstract stoke!

    Respond to this comment/comment thread
  6. bushman
    wrote on January 18th, 2014 at 7:22 am  
    7

    Some near-humans are born with instincts telling where and when pow exists which Siren-call them to drive, climb, and ski; no stinkin computer or algorithm can track pow even close to our breed. Surreal pics guys, and finally some real snow

    Respond to this comment/comment thread
  7. Peter
    wrote on January 21st, 2014 at 2:20 pm  
  8. Harvey
    wrote on January 22nd, 2014 at 4:16 pm  
  9. blah blah blah
    wrote on January 22nd, 2014 at 6:08 pm  
    10

    well……you ought to at least give Snow Ridge a plug

    Respond to this comment/comment thread
    • Greg
      wrote on January 22nd, 2014 at 6:23 pm  
      11

      plug

    • Greg
      wrote on January 22nd, 2014 at 6:24 pm  
      12

      happy?

  10. Talbert
    wrote on February 24th, 2014 at 4:13 pm  
    13

    Woah Greg! These are awesome renditions of a cool TR. I had no idea Matlab could be so cool, I guess I should add some L.

    Respond to this comment/comment thread
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